Disappointment

I’m told I need to blog more about improv…

Originally published May 2023

The #SecondCity, Chicago’s premiere, esteemed, and oldest #improv institution announced recently that they’re opening a #theater in #Brooklyn, and I was one of the few local improvisers selected to #audition for their main stage cast.

What. An. Honor! You know?!

Spoiler Alert: I didn’t get it.

Sure, this was important to me, but I also hadn’t planned on being #cast in the show. In a way, I didn’t *want* to be cast because it meant that I’d have to make a lot of changes to my day-job schedule, my #comedy schedule, and most likely push the pause button on starting my own theater - which is VERY important to me!

When friends would ask me if I was excited for the audition I’d typically reply with something like, “Sure, I guess. But I don’t think I’m going to be cast, and I also kinda hope I don’t get it.”
Which was immediately be met with, “Don’t sell yourself short.” “You’re gonna be great.” “Do you even realize what this is going to do for your career?!”

It’s almost as if they were telling me that being cast was MY choice to make; and by my approaching the situation at arm’s length that I was somehow #sabotaging my own chances.

I allowed others to get in my head, and I believed that this audition was merely a formality.

(Please excuse my use of foul language):

I. Fucking. Nailed. That. Audition!

It was the best audition I ever had! I was #sharp, I was #listening, and I was #quick!
I was picking up what others were putting down, I created meaningful #characters with real emotional stakes, and most importantly: I was having #fun!

They told us that if we were to receive a #CallBack, that we’d be notified either that evening, or the following morning.

I walked out with a renewed vigor, knowing (yes, actually knowing) that I was getting a Call Back. So I began making mental preparations for what was to come next.

For a moment, I got lost in what people around me were filling my head with. I allowed myself to believe for a moment that I was worthy in the eyes of my auditioners; that they really saw value in my seconds-long audition.

I waited, and I waited, but the Call Back email never came. Surely there was some kind of mistake or mixup, right?!

The unfortunate reality is that I simply wasn’t what they were looking for.

And that’s ok.

This was not my first audition, nor will it be my last.

This was not my first #disappointment, nor will it be my last.

Disappointment is something that we all must deal with at some point or another in our lives. It gives #value to everything we do. It provides for us #goals, #milestones, and #focus. It forces us to hone ourselves, and readjust if necessary.

Improv has better prepared me for disappointment through #anticipation and being able to let go of your #desires so that you can be present in this moment.

And yes, sometimes it sucks. But disappointments allow us an #oppprtunity to make new #discoveries otherwise unknown.